How is Eagerness related to Anxiety?

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How is Eagerness related to Anxiety?

In a conversation with a client this week I had a moment of clarity. It was one of those moments that I look forward to in a coaching relationship. Usually, moments such as this one take a difficult concept and boil it down to something simple yet actionable.

Even though I have worked for the better part of a year with this client, and have seen strong improvement, he had a very basic, you might say incisive and thoroughly honest question for me. “But how do I drop anxiety when I’m in a group and I’m called on unexpectedly to speak to a topic? You know, when I have to be the expert, but I’m not prepared to speak?”

This question is precisely on point for so many presenters, especially when it comes to the word “anxiety.” “Anxiety” is comparable to “dread”; to feel either of these emotions is a pretty awful experience. “Excitement” and “eagerness” on the other hand, are positive emotions that excellent presenters all seem to have in common. Eagerness seems to refer to excitement in the anticipation of something pleasurable. So in this discussion, let’s make our focus “anxiety” and “eagerness.”

In conversation we tend to use the words “anxious” and “eager” interchangeably: “I’m anxious to talk with you next week,” and “I’m eager to talk with you next week.” These two sentences seem to say approximately the same thing. But focusing on the differences, there really is an important distinction.  Think of it as two sides of the same coin. The two sentences both suggest expectation and anticipation. They share many of the same physiological responses too: sweaty palms, dilated pupils, increased production of adrenaline, and an urge to speak more quickly. Both anxiety and eagerness seem to alter one’s perception of the passage of time. Time seems to slow down. A child might say, “I didn’t think Christmas would ever come.” Someone else might say, “The two weeks until my court appearance really seemed to drag.” Anxiety and eagerness, two sides of the same coin.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could turn all the anxiety associated with making a speech (or being called on in a group unexpectedly) into eagerness: eagerness to make your contribution to the group’s success… eagerness to build your brand as the thought leader?

We propose two solutions – one is a shift in mindset, and another is a practical strategy on how to quickly structure an impromptu speech or answer to the question.

Shifting your mindset in this way can be compared to looking at a blue-green color. You can convince yourself that the color is blue, or you can convince yourself that the color is green. When you start to feel the surge of emotion that comes with unexpected speaking (or any public speaking), lean into eagerness.

Both eagerness and anxiety carry a lot of energy. Anxiety tends to come from a negative expectation, focusing on the consequences of a poor performance: “What if I sound stupid?” or “Everyone will find out that I don’t know what I’m talking about”. Experience your increased energy as excitement, rather than treating it like anxiety.

Instead of thinking about how you might look, sound, or feel based on the results of your speech, think about how the group will benefit from what you have to say.

What Causes “Presentation Nerves” and How to Tame Them

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“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

― Jerry Seinfeld

Presentation nerves have two main causes:

  1. A logical concern: People are judging me! (Because they definitely are.)
  2. A visceral reaction: Why does this feel so weird? 

Let’s break these down and find ways to conquer them.

The LOGICAL Fear: Yes, They’re Judging You… But That’s a Good Thing!

It’s true—your audience is watching and forming opinions. But instead of assuming they’re picking apart your every syllable, shift your focus: they want to get something valuable from you. Your job isn’t to be perfect; it’s to give them what they need. Rather than thinking about why it’s important to you (and dreaming up consequences for failure, or possible rewards of success) think about why it’s important that your audience understands you. Prioritize helping your audience understand your message – they are there to hear what you have to say!

Another mental shift that is just as important – have a positive outlook on the presentation. It’s easy for the presenter to focus on the potential of being judged negatively. Concentrate on the certainty of being judged positively. I learned this mindset from the WWII generation. Whenever I asked them, “What was the plan if we lost?” the answer was always the same: Losing wasn’t an option. That mentality helped them push forward, and it can help you too. Commit to success, and don’t even entertain the idea of failure.

The VISCERAL challenge: Presenting FEELS different from what you’re used to. The difference is uncomfortable and can feel “wrong.”

The problem is, presenting is very different from everyday conversation. We’re used to talking one-on-one. But when you present, your voice needs to be bigger, your gestures need to be clearer (larger), and your presence needs to take up more space. That unfamiliarity feels unnatural—so your instinct is to shrink to what feels more “normal.” Unfortunately, the audience sees this as low confidence. 

It’s clear that you need preparation—but the right kind. One of my mentors, Zig Ziglar, used to say, “When you’ve set up your ladder to success and are striving to climb it, make sure it wasn’t leaned against the wrong building.” In other words, don’t just practice, practice with purpose.

The DEATH SPIRAL (or, More Accurately, the “Failure Spiral”)

Okay, the title is dramatic, but stay with me. Aviators use the term “death spiral” to describe the phenomenon of trying to fix a problem with control of the aircraft. The problem is, without knowing precisely what effect the “fix” will have, the fix makes the problem a little worse. The response to the fix-gone-wrong sets up even MORE problems and before long, the flight ends in a fatal spiral. 

Ever start a presentation, mess up a word, and suddenly your brain is a little upside down. It seems to say, “What now? I guess we’re doomed”. That’s the failure spiral. One mistake leads to overthinking, which leads to more mistakes, which leads to a full-blown mental meltdown. The good news? It’s totally avoidable. You just have to keep your hands on the controls, and know what to expect. 

The SOLUTION: Tame the Nerves; The Key is Control. 

Don’t play to your need to be liked, loved and accepted. Play to the audience’s need to benefit from what you’re offering them. 

  1. Accept the unexpected (even “awkward”) feeling — It won’t look awkward to the audience. Using your smartphone, record yourself from a few feet away, and you’ll see. What feels outsized and really too big,  looks just right to the audience.
  2. Breathe like a pro — Stop at every period. Short sentences = easy breathing. No more gasping for air mid-sentence.
  3. More self-recording — Practice the whole package – Don’t just memorize words. Rehearse your voice, gestures, and phrasing too. Recording your practice allows you to be objective about your performance, rather than depending on how it “feels.” How you feel you’re coming across to the audience can be misleading.
  4. Adopt a “service mindset” — Make it about the audience, not yourself. Practice enough so your physical skills can run in your mental background. The less you focus on yourself, the better you’ll perform your service for the folks who need you and your message.

The more you practice, the more natural this will feel. You’ll find yourself looking forward to your next presentation (No doubt about it… success is fun!) So go out there, look someone in the eye, and hold the audience in the palm of your hand. You’ve got this!